Some of the world in union.

Let me preface this post by saying that while ranting and current events are not my normal style (there are loads of other places on the Internet to listen to people self-righteously claim that they know what is best for the world) this is an exception as it allows me to crap all over football.

My fellow Britons, or anyone else who has an interest in British sport (no, I'm serious), imagine this... It's the day after the final of the football world cup, lets say Brazil vs. France, not England but still, two countries who like their football. It is also the day after Sale Sharks have won a match, not a championship match or a final, just a match. You buy the morning paper and there's a nice big picture of the Sale Sharks on the front page of the sports section. Having trouble envisioning this particular scenario? Me too.

So why, the day after the final of the rugby world cup, was the outcome of the Manchester derby top news everywhere from the papers to Facebook? Now just to clear up something, I am not a bitter Manchester United fan, I actually come from a family of City season ticket holders. But my mother is Welsh, hence the rugby brainwashing from a young age.

 I'll admit, football is more widely followed than rugby in England, it sells papers, it makes huge amounts of money, and the final score was more interesting than the rugby final. But to channel my whiny inner voice, rugby is just better.

Rugby players don't get paid such ridiculous amounts of money or feel that they are entitled to whatever they want. Rugby fans don't need to be segregated in the stands. There is respect for other teams and other fans. For example, there is no shame in losing to New Zealand, and if you meet another rugby fan in this country, chances are you'll become friends rather than enemies, no matter which team they support. The fans are incredibly loyal and yet accept that it is just a game. Anyone who has ever seen the Welsh supporters will know that an evening match is a night out and an excuse to dress up. It's fun, it's a celebration. And, as the song suggests, in rugby there is far more of a sense of the world celebrating as one.

So, congratulations New Zealand, you deserved it.

Dun Dun Duuuuuun.

There are moments in life that redefine the way we view the world. whether it's witnessing historic events, people entering and leaving our lives, or a new album. For me these events include leaving school, watching E.T for the first time, the worst day of my life, getting over a long-term illness, any time I see photos from outer space, leaving home, and learning that twinkle twinkle little star and the alphabet song had the same tune.

But last night I came across a new discovery that would shatter the very foundations of all that I knew to be true about the world... Agatha Christie surfed.

QI, rocking my world since 2003.

Contestant #4: Bradley

Today's contestant I have named Bradley (he looked like a Bradley), and he was buying butter. Just butter. nothing else. No bread to go with his butter, no flour to make a cake with it. And it wasn't just a 'damn I'm out of butter, better nip out to the shops', this was four packs of butter. Just butter.

This lack of other purchases has left me rather stumped. What was the butter for? There were no clues, no hints, not even one of those free recipe cards that they give away at the supermarket. Never have I been so curious about fat? All I can tell you was that it was good butter. This cluelessness has led me to some rather wild speculation. Maybe he has a cat that had become stuck in the banisters, maybe he's part of a coffee morning and is responsible for the bagels (Bradley, you forgot the bagels), maybe he has developed an automobile that runs on butter, maybe he is allergic to everything but butter, maybe he is a butter sculptor, maybe he is planning some Home Alone -esque trap by buttering all his floors. who knows? But as Julia Child said, 'with enough butter, anything is good'. Except heart attacks...

Contestant #3: Jeremy

Today's contestant I named Jeremy. He looked like a Jeremy. He was dressed in his finest garb, sported a haircut that would probably pay for my grocery shopping for the whole year, and to top it all off wore the smug expression of a man who knows exactly why everyone else in the queue finds him annoying to look at, and has gone out of his way to achieve this.

If he wants to look like a prick for his own personal satisfaction that's fine by me, each to his own. But the shameless display of carefully arranging his purchases along the conveyor belt in a manner that allowed, nay forced, everyone else in the line to observe them (and made me feel far less sneaky and spy-like) was another thing altogether. Yes, we can see your organic vegetables, your baguette, your fancy pasta, your truffle oil, your sun-dried tomatoes, your bruschetta, your pate, and your Gü desserts. Yes, I am slightly jealous, you have nice food. Again, I have no problem with that, but take that superior look off your face. And don't you dare give my fried chicken and Monster Munch the stink eye.

M. Night Shyamalan should really do a film about this...

I can't believe I forgot this one, although to be fair, it's more of a 'notice', and therefore wasn't stored in the sign compartment of my brain. I came across this sign last summer. I laughed, and then I felt a little bit guilty.



Fredericksburg, TX, USA (2010)

I hope your surgery went a planned.

Also from the same trip...



Somewhere in Texas

Hmmm.

And yes, I know they are most definitely signs. However, I think my brain was concentrating more on this at the time, hence why the internal filing system didn't quite work:


 Happy Sign Spotting, folks.

Sign language

Having completed my summer travels I have made memories, taken photos, experienced new things, and best of all learnt some new travel games. In my opinion a travel game need not be limited to the time spend in transit reaching your destination, and they can range from the simple 'counting the steps as I climb them to take my mind off the pain' to a personal favourite...Sign Spotting.



Houston, TX, USA (2010)

Whether they be stating the obvious or missing the point...

Prague, Czech Republic (2007)

Humorous...



Edinburgh, Scotland (2010)

or unintentionally so... 



Fredericksburg, TX, USA (2010)

Unusual...

Salzburg, Austria (2009)

Or telling you how to avoid death...



Olympic National Park, WA, USA (2008)
Don't forget to fight back aggressively, pick up your children, and throw them.

Sign Spotting is a great way to keep annoying children occupied, and have something more interesting than yet another photo of yet another mountain when you get back home.

For more Sign Spotting fun, visit http://www.signspotting.com/

Why does the kitchen smell of raccoon?

Despite being 20 years old, having the house to myself for the weekend is no less exciting than it was when I was 15. And despite the fact that I am too lazy to actually call my friends and get them round, having the house to myself is still a face-slapping, bed-jumping, stair-sledging good time.

I of course do all the ironing that my mother left me, but once those crazy antics are out of the way, then the real fun can begin. So here's a check list (nothing says fun like a check list) of the vital components for a weekend free of parental supervision, and friends, and a life.

1. Take away menus. Be it pizza, chinese, indian or a combination of the above, no weekend to yourself is complete without food that comes served in cardboard. The pizza boxes on Monday morning will also let the bin men know that this resident had a real crazy weekend. So that's your reputation on the line there too.

2. TV. With great take away comes great entertainment. Why eat by yourself when your friends from the lands of the small screen and the big screen can keep you company? Without chilli fried beef and Bruce Willis it's just not a Saturday night. Welcome to the party pal.

3. Revelling in the fact that now I'm 20 that constant feeling that I should probably start my homework before Monday, is nothing but a long distant memory.

4. Number 3 of course leaves plenty of time for YouTube.

5. YouTube tends to lead to the losing of all sense of time. Which leads to not realising that it's actually 3am. This of course would have been the whole point of a parent-free weekend when I was 15, but after one too many years of knocking back caffeine for too many days straight just to reach essay deadlines, I need my sleep. So this one is really a personal judgment call on sleep deprivation Vs number of brain cells left.

6. Doing things you can't do when your parents are at home. I may be 20, but my mum will still shout at me for jumping on the furniture. So cue sofa gymnastics and science experiments (mostly just setting fire to stuff if I'm honest).

7. Dancing round the house. Okay, I do this even when the house is full, but for some reason it's just more fun when you have an empty house as your stage. And as that audience in the mirror isn't going to mock you, you can also practise oscar speeches, etc.

8. You can also play single player games you probably haven't had the time for, what with all that ironing, such as Hot Lava, re-enacting your favourite movie scenes, and which is the highest step you can jump from.

9. Another game in which I regularly partake when home alone, is called 'scaring the bejesus out of myself'. That highly over active imagination from my childhood has certainly not been damaged by all those caffeine-fuelled sleepless nights, to the point where I did see a face at the window. I swear.

10. Of course if you are Macauley Culkin a visit from Joe Pesci is actually not paranoia. Which does however just lead to even more joyful shenanigans, and a nice taking at the box office. So there's a weekend well spent.

11. And finally, after all this tomfoolery, you get to play that final game of tidying up, getting dressed, and guiding that stray raccoon out of the kitchen before your parents get home.

Who needs to go clubbing on the weekends?