It's the little things.

Sometimes when I'm in bed at night, lost in my own thoughts, I ask myself, 'was today a good day?' I suppose any day where I don't get mauled by a bear or set fire to the kitchen is a good day. A better question would be, 'did I enjoy today?' After realising that something as small as a new episode of my favourite TV show can actually have we looking forward to a Monday, I came to the conclusion that it's important to find joy in the little things. Normally sentimental crap like that (usually found on the Internet, printed over a picture of a kitten eating an ice cream) make me roll my eyes, but I've found that there's no denying it. And while I would love to spend each day bungee jumping off the Eiffel Tower while sharing an ice cream with the afore mentioned kitten, that doesn't mean I shouldn't enjoy the other days. So whether it's the first warm day of the year or just getting to a toilet when you really need to pee (ahhhhh), enjoy it. Sometimes the happiest people aren't millionaires, but people who are merely content with their lot and enjoy their lives, and the days just spent sitting watching old films with a friend are the ones we'll miss the most when they can't be recaptured. Hell, the promise of a good meal can get me through a day.

Today I woke up a few hours too early and got to go back to sleep, bit into the seam of a Cadbury's Creme Egg, split it perfectly down the centre and scooped out the filling with my tongue, found a film on TV I hadn't seen for ages, ate gnocchi and pancetta for my tea, had a shower (and tipped the water out of my ears) before putting on clean PJs and climbing in between fresh sheets, with a nice toasty laptop on my knees and the promise of a good book. What a good day.

Sadder than a orphaned kitten with 3 legs.

Today I saw the saddest thing. It was not a starving baby, or a blind puppy, it was a lost balloon (can I get an awww?) This lone bit of inflated plastic had floated to the ceiling of the supermarket and got stuck there. Not only was it sad in its pathetically helpless upside-down-turtle way, or its deflating saggyness (spell check doesn't know what to do with that one), but it was a kid's birthday balloon. As I am only 21 and it hasn't been too long since every visit into town included a trip to the Disney store (although most still do), I can imagine with almost painful empathy how the balloon's owner felt during that horrible moment when that last bit of ribbon floats just beyond your reach and you realise it's a goner.

I love balloons, but as a child I spent a lot of the time worrying I would accidentally let go, and so used to grasp it in a manner that involved digging my nails a good 1/4 inch into my palm. If, despite this, it did somehow escape my little hand I would then feel incredibly guilty that my parents had bought it for me and I had sent it to a cloudy death. Of course my parents didn't care, but my strict Disney upbringing had led me to personify every inanimate object I happened upon, and a belief that the balloon had feelings and was now crying, alone and afraid. I was an odd child...

So today when I saw this pitiful sight, not only did the idea of the heart-broken child distract me from the vegetable aisle for a second or two, but a deep seated need to rescue the balloon and tell it 'that everything would be okay' was stirred somewhere in my being. 

Damn you Disney/Pixar.  

                                                                     No, I didn't pick Up.

                                        

Who's there?! (Part 2)

Just incase I haven't made you paranoid enough, here are a few more things that horror films could ruin for you.

11. Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Texas, Chainsaws, and Massacres. Although the river walk in San Antonio is just lovely.

12. The Silence of the Lambs: Men who drink Chianti.

13. Invasion of the body snatchers (1956): Nobody believing you. And, you know, having your body snatched…by invaders…

14. Jurassic Park (purely for the kitchen scene): Those damn door-opening Veloceraptors. They may seem cute but be on your guard, they’re clever girls.

15. Deliverance: You’ll never be able to enjoy banjo music again.  

16. Wolf Creek: Those man-sized spiders aren’t the most dangerous thing in Australia.

17. The Wicker Man (personally the scariest film ever): Even before Trainspotting, this was the final nail in Scotland’s tourism industry.

18. Saw: Guys who give themselves names like ‘Jigsaw’.

19. The Orphanage: Seriously Spain, stop it!

20. The Shining: Jack Nicholson, barmen, twins, naked women, mazes, hotel rooms, and I can no longer enjoy a nice blood-filled lift. Darn.  

To be continued...

If I were working for the Texas Tourism Board, I would insist that they subliminally slip this inbetween a couple of the frames. Maybe the most chainsaw-y ones.
(San Antonio, TX. 2010)

Who's there?! (Part 1)

I love horror films. However, there is no denying that they have spoiled some things for me. I am now always apprehensive about looking in mirrors, and looking out of windows at night makes me a little cautious too. I can no longer go in cornfields, and quite frankly they have ruined Voodoo for me. Shucks.

So, if you want to be able to continue tucking in your masked demon offspring every night, then pay close attention. Here are the films that may put you off that trip to the Bermuda Triangle and make you paranoid about almost everything else.

1. Psycho: Let's start with the obvious. If you don't have access to a tub then I recommend you stear clear of this classic of the horror genre. Actress Janet Leigh herself reportedly never showered again after filming the famous bathroom sequence.

2. Snakes on a Plane: Not a horror film, but the title doesn't include 2 of the top 10 most common phobias for nothing. You'll definitely never use an aeroplane toilet after watching this.

3. The Birds: Again, the clue is in the title.

4. Halloween: Never offer to babysit.

5. Scream: Why caller ID was invented.

6. Marathon Man: Also not a horror film, but you'll never sit in another dentist's chair.

7. Battle Royale: You'll probably reassess a few of your friendships after this one.

8. The Ring: Beware the unmarked VHS. And if you ever get TV static, run.

9. [REC]: Stay out of the attic, stay out of Spain. 

10. Jaws: the Ocean, the sea, your garden pond, all ruined.

To be continued...

This is Halloween

Hope everyone had a great Halloween.




Chocolate cake, with marzipan decorations (except the fence, which is made of cocktail sticks painted with black food dye), took two days in total, but worth it.

 



Didn't deter the Trick or Treaters.




Only just remembered where I put all the cobwebs around the house.



Some of the world in union.

Let me preface this post by saying that while ranting and current events are not my normal style (there are loads of other places on the Internet to listen to people self-righteously claim that they know what is best for the world) this is an exception as it allows me to crap all over football.

My fellow Britons, or anyone else who has an interest in British sport (no, I'm serious), imagine this... It's the day after the final of the football world cup, lets say Brazil vs. France, not England but still, two countries who like their football. It is also the day after Sale Sharks have won a match, not a championship match or a final, just a match. You buy the morning paper and there's a nice big picture of the Sale Sharks on the front page of the sports section. Having trouble envisioning this particular scenario? Me too.

So why, the day after the final of the rugby world cup, was the outcome of the Manchester derby top news everywhere from the papers to Facebook? Now just to clear up something, I am not a bitter Manchester United fan, I actually come from a family of City season ticket holders. But my mother is Welsh, hence the rugby brainwashing from a young age.

 I'll admit, football is more widely followed than rugby in England, it sells papers, it makes huge amounts of money, and the final score was more interesting than the rugby final. But to channel my whiny inner voice, rugby is just better.

Rugby players don't get paid such ridiculous amounts of money or feel that they are entitled to whatever they want. Rugby fans don't need to be segregated in the stands. There is respect for other teams and other fans. For example, there is no shame in losing to New Zealand, and if you meet another rugby fan in this country, chances are you'll become friends rather than enemies, no matter which team they support. The fans are incredibly loyal and yet accept that it is just a game. Anyone who has ever seen the Welsh supporters will know that an evening match is a night out and an excuse to dress up. It's fun, it's a celebration. And, as the song suggests, in rugby there is far more of a sense of the world celebrating as one.

So, congratulations New Zealand, you deserved it.

Dun Dun Duuuuuun.

There are moments in life that redefine the way we view the world. whether it's witnessing historic events, people entering and leaving our lives, or a new album. For me these events include leaving school, watching E.T for the first time, the worst day of my life, getting over a long-term illness, any time I see photos from outer space, leaving home, and learning that twinkle twinkle little star and the alphabet song had the same tune.

But last night I came across a new discovery that would shatter the very foundations of all that I knew to be true about the world... Agatha Christie surfed.

QI, rocking my world since 2003.