This is the 20th century calling.

It happens just once a year. It unites people with a sense of excitement, brings laughter and celebration. I am of course talking about Eurovision. For those unfortunately unaware of this phenomenon of television, The Eurovision Song Contest (to give it its full name) is an annual competition between every country in Europe, to find the crème de la crème of musical entertainment. After each act has displayed their talent, people across the continent frantically phone in to vote for their favourite act, these public votes are then combined with a score given by a panel of judges from each country. Finally each country is represented by one charismatic individual whose job it is to award their given scores from one to twelve, the more points each country gets the higher it climbs up the leader board, until every country has announced their points, and a winner is announced. If you are European you are probably familiar with the above procedure, if you are British you probably had the common sense to set a bowl of some description beneath your monitor to catch the sarcasm dripping pouring from my words.

For the rest of the world, yes, the above description was an accurate outline of the evening's proceedings, now just imagine each act is performed by mental patients, dressed in clothes made by blind four year olds from the 80s, attempting to sing a song that would be a crueler alternative to waterboarding, while surrounded by uncoordinated epileptic dancers. Yet, despite all of this, you watch the entire thing, and thoroughly enjoy it.

However, in years gone by, the contest has given the world such acts as Lulu, Celine Dion, and most notably, those heroes of Eurovision, ABBA. Even the entertainment provided by the host country has occasionally managed to make a name for itself, with Riverdance stealing the show when the competition came to Ireland. And indeed hosting the contest is itself an act. Each year it is broadcast live from the home country of the previous year's winner, where a venue is decorated and filled with spectators, pyrotechnics are organised, and the hosts must keep smiling all evening. Even scaled down versions are held in people's houses, where 'Eurovision parties' give us all an excuse to dress up in berets and lederhosen (you know you want to).

But Eurovision is so much more than just a search for musical talent. It is politics. Norway will vote for Denmark, Ukraine will vote for Belarus, Latvia will vote for Lithuania, and so on. This is serious business. Should World War 3 break out, sides will not be drawn as a result of current events or past alliances, but due to the results of the Eurovision Song Contest. So give your 12 points wisely, Europe.